The Unseen

And there it is, New Year's Day would be one of the best day because of the never ending wishes you receive. But somehow, I was attacked by the unseen which eventually turns my mood the other way round. I wish that this will not last long as I have plans coming soon and this eventually slows down firstly, my Operating System. Followed by the Processor. So it's pretty screwed up and all I can do is just to take good care of myself so that I will not be ruled by the unseen enemies. So let's prepare for an unexpected war and win this battle! To arms my brothers!

For The Better

I have been looking at myself lately and the feeling of desperation has overcome me. I am currently looking for any ways to unlock this door which is in my way and keys have been found. But there are too many sets of them and too many doors. Which one will I take? Which one will provide me with what I need? I believe in myself more than nothing else currently. So giving a final look the sky and making my decision. I've chosen it and hope that I will not regret. So if I fall, give me your hand and pull me back up. If I succeed, I'd want to bring you along with me so walk together with me to the end. As I treasure this as much as the words couldn't describe it. So I'm giving you my hand and asking you now, " May I? "

The Way I See It

I have recited this poem, just for you.

The very same day that I gave them to you.

These words came to my mind.

For this is the way I see it.

But in order to do so.

Keep the flowers forever.

No matter what happens.

Then you'll understand.

My dear,

As each of the petal falls and wither,

My love for you grows ever deeper,

By the time the last petal falls,

I love you with my all.

Gilbert

Fearing The End

My current vision is blurred out by the same droplets of rain that gave me the happiness. Now I can only move without a clear vision. Fearing of where I will be and fearing of tripping over and falling. Should I stand and wait for the moment to continue my journey? Or shall I just walk and ignore the consequences. Somehow I have enough faith to walk and if I fall, I do possess the strength to stand again. But what if I fall and the time it takes me to stand again will cause' me to lose out? Whatever the consequences may be, I think that somewhere in me has already made the choice. And that is the main reason why I am here. But why, why am I still so afraid? Afraid of losing out? Please provide me with the strength to move on. Please give me the courage to do so. At the rate I'm going, I will need the support that all can give, for I am fearing of what will it be at the end.

Unprepared Dive

I've made a unprepared dive once again. Not knowing what the feeling is like until I'm halfway down. The dive which I wasn't expecting it would deal such a damage to myself. I am not sure whether I am able to make it to the ground as I'm still in the air and I haven't release my parachute because of the current situation, the situation in which is not suitable. I am still hoping for the positive feeling but the chances are still unknown. I've taken the most risk that I could have and given my all. I really hope that I can succeed this fight and continue on my journey but the minute my feet is not yet on the ground. I'm still being taken by the wind and can only hope that it'll take me to where I want to be.

Cry Of Victory

The Battle for myself have been fought. Eventually it came with a winning cry. But deep inside me, it's saddened me to think of the warriors that was sacrificed. Even with me understanding that there is only one choice which I can make. Either to win this battle or to lose it. But it is still depressing. Basically being on the victory side is always the better choice, somehow it struck to me that being on the sacrificing side is the biggest blessing. And being able to bless the victory side is having the love of God. The war has been brought to an end. The destination of the path ends here with another crossroads. It is now time to move on and start a new battle in the new territory. Having to gain experience in the previous battle, the next war shall be a simple one. But somehow the war is still unexplainable for the moment of battle is still not in progress. I will now have to recharge all my strength to surpass this challenge ahead or I will not be able to feel the moment of glory as I have planned for. Until the next war starts, I can only just walk along the path that I will next choose. I hope that the right preparation for the next battle has been made.

Proximity Of A Total Loss

Lying still, peacefully letting the wind slip through my fingers. A sudden shock of awareness gotten me ready to attack an oncoming enemy. The enemy which lies still for a long time, that has been waiting for it's time to attack. Eventually my instinct was right. As it approaches, I raised my stinger. Readily, facing anything that comes my way. Getting into a defensive posture. Apparently I am able to win this battle. But will I still be ready for the next coming ones? Will I be able to arm myself and prepare for battle again if I do not feed? Standing up high and facing the sky. Giving my thanks to God which has prepared me for this battle. Praying that I will always be ready and eventually gotten me to victory. But the moment of ego has pulled me into a very deep black hole. Now I stand stranded. Looking for a way out and trying to release myself again. The mistakes that I've learnt in life cost more valuable than anything in this earth could offer. But that loss could have been worse if I had not prepared myself. A loss which I am still able to handle. Now I'm picking up the pace again. And never shall I fall again. To keep my word and promise. Now, I am gradually stronger than before.

The Reach

Finally, I am feeling that something is coming. The feeling of reaching for something is finally here. Is it because that I will be meeting you soon? I'm always feeling safe and secure in a way when I'm with you. How is it that I'm offering protection to you but feeling the same? This is really weird. But maybe this is how it is suppose to be. But at least the feeling is satisfying. But when I come to think of it, I am still unsure will this feeling last. I am still unsure about my chances. Being afraid of what I might lose, I am really trying to give my all. Only hoping that I will not lose what I think that I should. So I'll do anything beyond what I can do to reach out. Reaching so far that I sometimes couldn't even think of myself doing it.

Pullback

Today, somehow I was expecting a better day as usual. Where everyday always seems to be better but today, today is the day I was pulled back from my past. Having to think of the past. Missing things I never want to. Why does this happens? I do not want this but somehow it happens. It hurts, it's not happy, it's not helping in any way. But somehow, the past is the past. If I keep looking back. It just doesn't help me in a way where I am trying to advance to where I want to be. So I have eventually decided to forget it and continue walking forward. And it has worked for me. I've managed to fight through the day. And I'm fighting not only for myself. But for everyone that has sacrificed the little piece of them for me. I believe that as days go by. I am able to do better. Being able to leave the past, and conquer the future.

Reaching For The Light

The time has come, for me to force myself up. Standing high up and reaching for the only light that shines brightly. Holding on to whatever I can catch hold of. Climbing up. This is not the end for me. But this is just the beginning. I'll never give up. Even it's out of my control but I'll never let anything stop me from moving on. I'll do whatever it takes. Recovering from the damage and supplying extra strength to reach out further to where I have been looking for. Thank you for each and every bit of support from the ones that have been given to me. I promise you that the support that was given will not be wasted away. It'll be invested to give out extra hope and strength. Appreciated by every bit.

The Awakening

Finally I feel myself stepping forward again. Another step that makes me feel very proud of myself. A step that somehow, amazingly and awkwardly, taken when my body is in a weak state. Thank you for the people have been supporting me. Thank you for those who cared. Especially to someone who eventually knows, someone who seen right through me from the very beginning. And surprisingly, you awaken me from my deep slumber. You gave me the shock of my life when you came to tell me that you are able to see through me. Eventually, that is the one that makes you special among everyone that I have ever met. How did you do it? You really got me thinking over and over again. I really want to thank you. No one has ever able to know my true personality but you. Now this curiosity makes me want to know you more.

When The Lights Goes Out

I'm always stepping forward when I'm with you. I feel that somehow nothing can stop me from walking. Somehow you are always providing me with the strength that I need to push through whatever barrier that is in my way. But the moment the light goes out, I feel stiffness in my feet. I can't move. I stand still, so still that I practically lose my sight and hearing. I can't see the right path nor the hear your voice of instructions advising me where should I be heading to. I feel so impaired standing alone, as if I do not possess any strength.

The Echo Of The Wind

Here I am again, standing still. Hearing only the echo's of the wind in my ear. The emptiness that ruins the emotion of every living day. A heart that has no path. Where should I go? Only when I am with you I feel a movement in myself searching for something. But what is it? What is it that I am searching for? The future is unpredictable and it's total emptiness. I need your help to show me where am I going. Be my star that shows me the direction. Be the pathway for me to walk in. Be the wind that pushes me when I don't move. Be the sun that gives me the light so that I am able to see where I am going. Be the moon that shines brightly at night when I couldn't see. I don't want to stop right here. I want to continue walking until I see where I want to be one day. When I stand still, take my hand and lead me. Before the echo of the wind takes over and rots me wherever I am standing.

Emptiness

Somehow, somewhere inside of me, I feel the emptiness. Somehow I feel desperate. Somewhere inside me tells me that I'm going no where. Where is my path leading me? I'm totally lost, I need someone to walk with me to bring me back to my path. Someone who understands, someone who cares, someone who is willing to, someone who shares the burden. I can't see a future right now. Seeing everyone in my life have their needs met but I'm standing still makes me feel desperate. Makes me feel that I need to move but somehow I just can't. I'm totally lost, I hope I find my way somehow. At least one step a day. I believe that I will be at where I want to be someday, somehow.